I'm not in anyway defending 'Racist horseplay'.. but I do think it's important to know when someone genuinely has a bad intent vs someone who doesn't realise and means no harm.

Last saturday I went to a pub down my road, It's an Irish pub and the pub landlords daughter came and sat next to me, we got talking and were about to go into central to party when she said, 'I like you, but I don't think my mum will because your a Paki' :|

I know she didn't mean any harm but I had to find my excuses and exit. But i know this was more racist horseplay then actual racism, and would love find away to correct that.

Any ideas?

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I am not sure what you mean by racist horseplay.  Do you mean making racism into a casual game?  Even if it is, then it is still racism.   Its hard for me to comment on this because I am not from the UK and I don't know the exact context or mood that a person uses when they use that word "Paki."  I have heard or seen in some movies that it was considered derogatory, but I have also heard it used in a more casual way, almost the way that we might call someone from a Kashmir as a Kashmiri.  In other words, I think sometimes it might be a misappropriation on the part of the person that they don't call a person as Pakastani but instead Paki.

But assuming it was derogatory for a moment, I think its also best to transform the insult a bit from the mind's perspective.  I don't mean simply, "oh, don't let it get to you" but that actually check which part of you that it effects and why. It definitely hits the ego hard, so it is an opportunity to work on the ego a bit and tame the ego so that when it comes again, the ego isn't affected as much.  We can also try to understand a bit where the person is coming from when they express an insult. It could be fear, ignorance, competitiveness, or a number of other things.

If it wasn't derogatory, I would say just correct her terminology so it doesn't sound as bad at least.  Well even if it was derogatory, just correct her anyway.  Or I mean not her, but anyone who does that.  A little education can go a long way.

But anyway, I thought you were Punjabi and not Pakistani?  That could be another way to make someone aware if they call you by the wrong racist remark.  People think I am Muslim sometimes because of my appearance and I have to tell them that I am not...and it makes them think about their success in degrading me, which didn't work out in their estimation.

I like your reply.

I was trying to say it wasn't as full on as a really racist 'attack' but more out of ignorance or at-least trying to take me down a peg under the guise of ignorance. (playing dirty*ish*)

I guess it got me most because i don't think of myself as being either Punjabi or English, just me being a result of my upbringing and accepting/ rejecting as I please, but this woman just assumed I was a Paki because I am brown. (when a male uses that word over here, it usually means your going to end up in a fight 9 times out of 10)

I have a problem with that word, I guess because i know over here it is used in a derogatory way. But i will probably have to tame my ego a bit, you are right. It is more effective as a derogatory word the more you react to it.

Hmmm, ya. I don't know exactly how she would use it as like an undermining joke and hide behind ignorance. In America, I don't think anyone can get away with that at all.

Although racism can be dished out so many ways in America, when we think of racist, it usually means racist against blacks. At least where I came from the white against black sort of racism seems to dominate the argument/discussion. Its good that people are against racism, but the downside is that nobody really pays attention to other forms of racism like against Indians. There was this whole "dot buster" thing that went on in South Jersey for a while. It was in the newspaper but on the whole, people wound up thinking it was kinda funny in the north and nothing to worry about, but people don't tend to laugh at racism against blacks at all because it would be too shameful to do that given America's history of slavery.

So for me, I think racism is not so easy to understand or even to know what to do about it. Pro-active stances against racism don't seem to work and end up more or less as another form of racism by making quota systems for "the disempowered ones." I would hate to be considered a disempowered person just because of my skin color because that would disempower me in it of itself.

Generally, if I ever heard any racist remarks to me in my life, I just tried to ignore it. It would be nice if it didn't happen, but frankly it does and there are other people who can do a better job of fighting it then me. I just tend to accept and wait for another day when it isn't happening, but that is just my own way of dealing.

In the end, I would say it is a bad idea to hang out in places where that racism can potentially happen at all since it is too hard to fight. But where to go? It depends on if alternatives are there at all and I know that the US is way different than the UK. Luckily, in the US there are so many people who hate racism that they form pocket communities where racist people don't show up.

Over here people will also react to you differently if you speak with an accent! I was brought up here so i don't get it like that, but i see it happen and it really upsets me.

Btw i google'd dot buster that's really quite sad. Over here less racist people go out with the intention to fight, so if someone will start a fight it will usually be 1 on 1 or maybe 2 on 1. But I'm not trying to make it out like we have it any better, these things should also not happen.

yes, the dot buster thing was bad and what is worse, is the apathy of the general public toward discrimination makes it hard to turn things around.

what is needed is a unique interest in a multicultural society rather than only smuggly recognizing the dominating monoculture that exists.

however, in higher economic brackets, this multiculturalism does exist and their is less prejudice because money talks. I am mainly referring to the lower and middle class domains where that people are resentful toward anything different than themselves.

however...this point is a natural human problem...so it is not even specific to middle class America. there is in fact prejudice in all countries of the world where even members of the own nationality though from a different stock or caste are discriminated against. and I believe much of this disparity is motivated by economic differences or competition.

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