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My question is in regards to how to handle a spouse who is extremely opposed to a vegan lifestyle. I'm a new vegan however I have been a vegetarian for about 10 years. When I met my husband I was vegetarian and willing to cook some meat for him and the kids (once or twice a month). However after I learned more about a vegan lifestyle I became vegan.
I no longer cook with meat. This makes my husband very angry! I make vegan alternatives to our favorite meals. My husband won't eat anything vegan. He won't even try different vegan meats. He also encourages the kids not to eat my cooking. He tells me that I'm shoving my beliefs down everyone else's throats. However, I "allow" him and the kids to eat what they like. I just won't cook it or buy it. He will not listen to my reasons or the research. He thinks that I'm depriving the children and him from healthy food. However, he won't hear me out when I try to explain to him the harms of unhealthy animal products. I've tried to get him to watch youtube videos. Nothing seems to work.
I love me husband very much. I hate to fight with him. I don't want to see my relationship suffer. Has anyone else been through this or know someone who has been through this? I could really use some support and advice. Thanks in advance.
Good that you shared your problem here.. it's not unusual and i have seen this happening one of my friends. I would say that we should never enforce anything when we need to deal with our closed ones as they would not take it immediately. Rather you should allow them what they want to and keep your efforts ON to change them slowly. One day they would agree and feel that you were right in saying this. this is my advice but you may choose to follow or not to follow it.
Thanks so much!
I've learned that you can't change others, you can only show them how they can change. People, most of em, find it annoying when you trying to change them. I think this has to do with pride or ego, too stubborn or whatever.
For this matter, your husband has a lot to learn in respecting others choices, especially that of the family. Then again you have to respect him too, i know it's growse when you have to cook meat or others do that but that's just the case.
Just show him, that by doing what you do is the right way :) It's normal to be akward towards vegans and vegetarians when you're a meateater, it just bashes their whole belief system from a society which they think is right?
Hope you can do something with this, keep strong and love always!
Thank so much! I have a hard time trying to figure out how to see it from his side without giving up my beliefs.
Honestly I don't know if there is much you can do about it if he isn't willing to meet in the middle or consider a different viewpoint? Vegan friendly marriage counseling?
I agree with Elizabeth, you can not much about it as he is an individual and he is aware of that you are a vegan. If he can't understand then it is his loss.. someday even he may lose you...if things blow out of proportions..so be cool and let's the time take its own course. Good luck..!
I recently went vegan but my husband and kids are not. Similar story to yours, I can't convince him. What I do different from you is that I do pick my battles at home, and fighting over food is not worth it, we respect each other's choices. I understand why your husband is angry at you as you used to cook for him/them but not anymore. Why do you say you "allow" him to eat meat? You're not his mom! He's not a child, he's a grown up man, you can't control him and you shouldn't try to control him or he'll resent you even more. You could control what your children eat but you've let them continue with their diet as usual, eating meat. You have passive aggression towards your husband. You say you allow him to eat meat, but you just won't buy it or cook it?! So who cooks for your children? Your husband has to cook for them every day now as you went vegan? So you used to cook meat for him, but now you're backing down on that. That's being passive aggressive. It's a power struggle for the both of you. You're as stubborn in your ways as he is.
When we go grocery shopping, he lets me buy my vegan items, and I let him buy his meat items. The difference is I do cook meat for the three of them and a separate vegan meal for myself. Every day. Not once a month. My two kids are special needs and picky eaters, getting them to change is extremely difficult. My hope is that as the years go by, my daughter will get to see the two options and make her decision. I don't think my non-verbal son with autism will ever stop eating meat, and I'm fine with that, I have bigger problems with him than his diet.
If you don't want your marriage to suffer, you have to let this issue go, especially if he's a loving husband and father and you love each other. Let him buy what he wants, and cook it for them every day. You were a vegetarian and fell in love with a meat eater, you married him, you gave him kids, and you love him. You were flexible and understanding with his choices up to now. You went vegan as an adult already with kids and now you're inflexible and rigid in your beliefs. Don't ruin your marriage over food!! Let your children decide as they grow up. The alternative is to keep fighting with him over it, and he may get fed up with you and find himself another meat-eating wife.
Sorry you are having these challenges. Have you tried introducing more fruits and veggies incrementally and slowly? People do not like change, so slowly is a good route.